The Rollercoaster

I must admit all of this stuff is pretty tumultuous.  Every time I take a tiny step forward with a doctor, we get right back to waiting for more tests to be approved.  As things stand right now, we know I need to have a bilateral mastectomy.  I need to take a minimum of 4 to 6 courses of chemotherapy.  My hair will be falling out, my boobs will be gone.  I keep saying the silver lining is that I can have any hair color or length I have ever wanted through the wonder of wigs, and when all is said and done I will have a nice new pair of twins to rival any 18 year old.

That’s not really the silver lining, though.  Becky and I have been laughing almost non-stop over the things that just aren’t funny at all.  First of all, she gets a call back from her doctor over her mammogram results.  Yep, she has an itty bitty lump — which is strangely in the EXACT same location as mine.  She was trying to explain where is was, and I’m asking, “six inches from the left nipple, at 2 o’clock?”  She nearly keeled over laughing.  So now she says she just has a sympathy lump.  I keep looking for rhyming slogans to cover this topic.  You know, like “the family that prays together, stays together.”  The issue is, I can’t seem to find a phrase that rhymes with “breast cancer.”  “The women who have breast cancer together, …”  No good rhyming close to that one!  Second, she goes on this tangent about me someday forgetting my prosthetic breasts somewhere… Um, what?!  Really?  Why would I ever be taking those off away from home?  I think she is developing some sort of song like “Detachable Penis” for my breasts.

Our laughter may come close to hysteria at times, but it’s a lot healthier than the alternative.  So tonight at dinner, the kids are all upset about my future hair loss.  I love this perspective!  Being sick isn’t the issue, shedding is.  So I told them, when the time comes, they can shave my head for me.  Sounds like less trauma for all of us, and they laughed too at the thought that we can take my hair almost all the way down and slap some crazy wild hair color on what remains.  (Picture me with a fuschia buzz cut here.)

Love comes unexpectedly, even in the middle of stormy times.  I am so thankful to God for this crazy bunch, and my friends and family who have been unstoppable in cheering me on and cheering me up.  I am saving all of these positive vibes for those moments when I know it will get tough.  No self-pity at all, just that lingering fear in the back of my mind.

Next week brings approval for genetic testing, two MRIs, and a PET scan.  But I am ready. 🙂


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