Break is here…

Spring Break, of course.  One entire week ahead of me without a single doctor’s appointment, to be spent with my beautiful children.  The week after, stuff gets as serious as can be.

We are getting down to D-Day — scheduling surgeries, setting up chemo.  After three months of waiting, I seem to hardly believe I am maybe one month away from getting rid of my stow-away in my body.

I have to say that the last two weeks have been rough.  It’s been trickier to find my laughter.  And, of course, there’s the endless fatigue.  Finally, though, a doctor explained that part to me.  My body thinks the cancer is just like an infection, so my white cells are up and fighting it, and I end up feeling as tired as if I had pneumonia as a result of it.  That’s one mystery solved.

I can feel my own strength and power building up in me again.  I so rarely let it out, like a genie from a bottle, that I have to admit I am wary of the outcome.  Do I know that it will help me beat cancer?  Absolutely.  Do I know that my own attitude it to “take no prisoners?” I know that, too.

I have played it nicely and spent a great deal of my life in trying to smooth things over.  This bridge I am crossing is removing me from that way of life entirely, and I know that there is no coming back.  The oddest part is that I don’t think I will regret that: although, perhaps, the people who are used to nice me will! 🙂

I have done a lot of spiritual, mental, and physical “housecleaning” over the past several days.  Every single thing – be it animal, plant, or mineral – that brings or has brought me negativity or has in any way impacted my health in a negative way, is gone.  I am no longer biting my tongue.  I refuse to be the woman who walks on eggshells.   I am entering into a serious fight, and I am not going to enter the ring as a timid mouse.  I am entering the ring, in full-blown technicolor, with a swagger to my step.

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