Spring Break, of course. One entire week ahead of me without a single doctor’s appointment, to be spent with my beautiful children. The week after, stuff gets as serious as can be.
We are getting down to D-Day — scheduling surgeries, setting up chemo. After three months of waiting, I seem to hardly believe I am maybe one month away from getting rid of my stow-away in my body.
I have to say that the last two weeks have been rough. It’s been trickier to find my laughter. And, of course, there’s the endless fatigue. Finally, though, a doctor explained that part to me. My body thinks the cancer is just like an infection, so my white cells are up and fighting it, and I end up feeling as tired as if I had pneumonia as a result of it. That’s one mystery solved.
I can feel my own strength and power building up in me again. I so rarely let it out, like a genie from a bottle, that I have to admit I am wary of the outcome. Do I know that it will help me beat cancer? Absolutely. Do I know that my own attitude it to “take no prisoners?” I know that, too.
I have played it nicely and spent a great deal of my life in trying to smooth things over. This bridge I am crossing is removing me from that way of life entirely, and I know that there is no coming back. The oddest part is that I don’t think I will regret that: although, perhaps, the people who are used to nice me will! 🙂
I have done a lot of spiritual, mental, and physical “housecleaning” over the past several days. Every single thing – be it animal, plant, or mineral – that brings or has brought me negativity or has in any way impacted my health in a negative way, is gone. I am no longer biting my tongue. I refuse to be the woman who walks on eggshells. I am entering into a serious fight, and I am not going to enter the ring as a timid mouse. I am entering the ring, in full-blown technicolor, with a swagger to my step.