This morning, my sweet little buttercup told me she needed to write a blog. The main problem with this idea is that she really doesn’t like to write. She then modified her needs to indicate that I should be her ghostwriter.

Well, it’s not very ghostly, I am just expanding upon and paraphrasing (TO THE EXTREME) what she felt she wanted to say.

I chose the title, since Becky’s idea for a title was “Disneyland Dike Turns Mr. Mom.” I thought that might be just a tad off-putting in the title line of the blog. And in the hyperlink. And so on, etc. etc.

Becky was the Disneyland Dad to her three boys until very recently. Now, like me, she has become a full-time parent. Headfirst into the deep end of the pool, ladies and gentlemen. Oh, and the pool is filled with piranhas, too. 🙂

Welcome to the world of mediating sibling arguments, disciplining children, creating menus of food that will actually be eaten, never going to the bathroom privately AGAIN, and losing sleep on a regular basis. Honestly, those military men could take lessons from those of us who are single mothers in order to prepare them for sleep-deprivation torture!

A couple of months ago, Sweet Pea and I (I know, I keep giving her silly nicknames) had a real blowout of an argument. Much stomping around and yelling ensued, with Becky informing me at the top of her delicate flower petal lungs that she “doesn’t need” me.

This morning she said she needed to write a formal, public apology to me for saying she doesn’t need me because, as Ron White would say, she “was wrong.” She does need me. In fact, the need has increased so dramatically that she had me drive an hour and a half yesterday to help her fill out a single piece of paper. Apparently, being an insurance broker who fills out 300 page construction contracts in no way prepares a woman for the myriad paperwork of a school district!

Becky told me she is just happy that she still wants me MORE than she needs me, which I find shocking to imagine because she NEEDS ME A WHOLE HELLUVA LOT!!! I think I must say, lucky me. (That the need is only exceeded by the want.)

A powerful, workaholic woman, accustomed to commanding the respect and work of men and women alike, poor Becky does not understand how she has been completely run over by five children, aged 10 and under, and a 100 pound feminine girl. 🙂 Never underestimate the women and children, folks! We did not get to be the first on the lifeboats on the Titanic because of chivalry, but because the men knew they would be thrown face-first into icy water if they bloody well argued.

At this point, I believe my love-muffin would like to have Cancer so she could be assured of two nights of good rest in the hospital. She is volunteering to have body parts hacked off if it means she can have a good night’s sleep, and maybe go pee by herself just once.

After her tirade, I opted for “How the Mighty Have Fallen” for her title on this, because she still denies her new lifestyle on the grounds that she does “…whatever [she] wants, whenever [she] wants…”

I wonder how that’s working out for her so far?

And she thinks I’m kidding when I tell her she is a victim of domestic violence! 🙂