I’ve been extremely quiet, I know. Things have been in such flux for me here that I have found myself at a loss as to how to update any of this blog. I’m over a week out from my first chemo treatment, and feeling…mostly okay, I think. Of course, every time I turn around, I am being poked at: blood test weekly, three immune booster shots in three days this week, plus the massive saline injection into the ever-changing tatas. 🙂 Good thing I have never been bothered by needles!
Things have changed here. My two children are holding steady, I’m holding steady, home is home. But there has been more of a sea change, within me. Those walls I have kept in place my entire life are just crumbling to pieces: I am speaking my mind, and pushing my own boundaries so that I will have the life I have always wanted when this is over.
I can look back at the way I was living my life before all of this started, and I can admit I was complacent. I continually told myself I was happy while settling for far less than I deserved, and I just refuse to do it. Further, I refuse to teach my children to do that.
I may be sick, but I am surrounded with blessings and opportunities that I would not have had except for this cancer. So all I can come out with is gratitude. I am still not fearless, but each day brings me closer to facing each fear I have and letting go – just a little closer.
Wishing blessings to you all tonight…