The poet wrote that she would put

chaos

into fourteen lines.

I do not have a sonnet

to share.

But I can put chaos into thirty four years:

all of the no’s that came

from yes

the I love you’s that meant

I needed to change –

my face

my thoughts

my soul.

Until my body put a stop

to the words I held back

the face I hid behind

the package that was all

and everything that mattered

to those who loved me so dearly.

And the chaos

ended

in the quiet of home

the peace that came finally

and the arms that will never let go

a heart that will never expect me

to transform myself

just to deserve love.

– Chaos to pain to gratitude –

For the prize

I so long sought

was waiting for me there.

Where I would have expected

only pain, only darkness

I found joy, laughter

and the healing

only love can bring.