The poet wrote that she would put
chaos
into fourteen lines.
I do not have a sonnet
to share.
But I can put chaos into thirty four years:
all of the no’s that came
from yes
the I love you’s that meant
I needed to change –
my face
my thoughts
my soul.
Until my body put a stop
to the words I held back
the face I hid behind
the package that was all
and everything that mattered
to those who loved me so dearly.
And the chaos
ended
in the quiet of home
the peace that came finally
and the arms that will never let go
a heart that will never expect me
to transform myself
just to deserve love.
– Chaos to pain to gratitude –
For the prize
I so long sought
was waiting for me there.
Where I would have expected
only pain, only darkness
I found joy, laughter
and the healing
only love can bring.