Last night, I “thought” I went into heart failure. I was asleep when this happened, mind you, but it felt extremely real. The girl who kept travelling near me using only a pogo stick didn’t alert me to the fact that I was dreaming.
When I finally clawed my way, gasping, back to the surface of reality, I discovered that I was having an anxiety attack. Instead of being in some kind of heart failure, my heart thought I was conducting a nice aerobic session, while I was trying to rest.
Anxiety is a mean bitch. Post-Cancer, I had reached a point of finding myself in charge of my anxiety. (Haha, catch the ego there?) With careful balance, I can manage my anxiety. It’s always been mild enough that I’ve been able to use my love of running and swimming to do most of that work for me.
But, guess what? It’s November! In 12 days, I’m getting married! In front of people. And I can be awfully clumsy. So, I’m afraid of falling flat on my face. Also, before the end of the year, I’m uploading 26 more self-study programs for my “day job.” And, NaNoWriMo began on Sunday. I want to use this month to finish re-writing my sequel, “Warrior.”
This is why I laugh at my own ego. There’s involuntary anxiety, and then there’s the anxiety that’s self-inflicted. The busy schedule creates an abundance of high adrenaline, disrupting sleep and leaving me in a panic.
But, hopefully, tonight I can just dream I’m snorkeling instead. Without any large sharks in that dream, if you please!
Happy #Monday, and blessings to you all… I fully plan on blogging in this bizarre manner until after the wedding. 🙂