This post will seem like a snowball careening down a hill, picking up velocity and destructive power with every revolution. Just saying. đ
Have you ever been sitting down to write and realized that the realities of life are crowding onto your page?!
People like to talk about the perqs of being a writer, but never do I hear the downside! No one wants to address the struggle! (Iâm hoping you can hear the heavy sarcasm and melodrama here.)
Writer problems:
1.) When you want to wield your power to call someone out, but you are so stuck in their very real-life awfulness that you canât figure out how to not get sued.
â An addendum to this: if you donât care about being sued, employ my daughterâs method of changing names to protect the guilty. She likes to replace the first letter of the offenderâs name with an âShm.â This has the additional benefit of at least making the âvillainâ of your everyday somewhat ridiculous. Please feel free to apply this tip to the names of everyone in the room with you right now, pets included. đ
2.) Trying to draft a disclaimer that manages to blend boilerplate tact and legalese with âget over yourselfâ dryness. đ
3.) Finally choosing to âKill offâ the people who have aggravated you in real life, and realizing that youâll need to write a bloodbath.
4.) Realizing that bloodbaths arenât a standard part of your genre.
5.) Wondering why your usual dreams about your plotline keep getting interrupted by horrific images of Donald Trump. (Okay, perhaps âwonderingâ is too strong a word.)
6.) Crafting the most important murder everywhere you go, and suddenly noting that people are giving you a wide berth as your facial expressions change.
7.) Losing track of your grocery shopping as you have a death scene revelation in the produce section.
8.) Recording a voice memo to hold your place until you can get to your computer/notebook and scaring everyone around you because youâre still killing that bastard off.
Too many choicesâŚ
9.) Writing supernatural fiction for young adults: finally coming up with a poem for a tricky spell, right in the middle of Mass. Contemplation of lightning and hellfire for the remainder of the church service.
10.) So many people to kill, so little time.
Please note: the authorâs violence level has been dramatically increased as a result of a tennis open, an art festival, spring break, and impending Coachella Fest traffic.
Also, please note: fuse short; you may end up murdered, on paper. đ
Blessings to you all. Iâll be on foot for the next couple of weeks. Itâs safer this way.