Life can really take a hairpin turn at times… Well, all the time, I suppose – only I rarely notice it.
Somewhere in my mind I had this thought that, once all of my MAJOR surgeries were done, once chemo was behind me, I would just sort of lace up my running shoes and hit the track again.
Foolish, silly woman!
I have strong moments. I have strong hours. I have yet to have a 24 hour period in which I do not crash and burn.
Suddenly, I completely understand why my Doctors want me home still.
Mentally, I feel like myself. Physically, I am quite weak. Really, so weak I can’t even understand this body of mine. Rebuilding has to be the slowest process on Earth. It’s a little bit scary, to be perfectly honest.
The good news is that my oncologist works with me to investigate those lasting side effects: this week should bring the results of last week’s CT scan to get to the bottom of my chronic headaches. This week also brings the start of physical therapy, which has my hopes up quite a bit. Physical therapy should help with the lymph edema, thereby reducing the pain in my left side – which can be fairly draining.
The trick with chronic issues (like the headaches and the lymph edema) is that they start to take a back seat in my mind, so that I don’t consciously recognize them at all times. Just because I push beyond them doesn’t mean they don’t drain me completely, though.
Balance… It’s a question of balance. With serenity comes the question of how best to create the healthy me, without burning out this time. Today, I am looking towards that balance.
Blessings to you all on this gorgeous Monday!
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